You is smart, kind, important

Sometimes it takes someone who loves you to ground you and pull your head out of its thunder cloud.
For me, it's a collage of people. My mason, my friends,my family, my coworkers, strangers who become affixed to me, new friends like Brittney who seem to think there's something good in me despite the static of insecurity, old friends like Michelle who just ooze tranquility and love.
I'm becoming someone important and powerful and I'm taking bits and pieces of all my loves with me. Today is my last day of class contributing to my college degree. Next week is finals, and then the following week I graduate and I'm walking with brittney :))
Then I'm 9 to 5 coordinator to db and all the catering managers 5 days a week.
I have one for church , and cooking, and running, and a trainer, and unhinge my lunch to work, and mas and family, and going out and having adventures. And weekend vacations.
I'm going to win over Donna. I'm on the right track, but I'm determined to be the most fantastic coordinator/assistant/right hand man. Organization in everything I do. Everything neat and color coordinated an I have to remember to double check things.
I'm going to go through my things again and get rid of things. And eating right and excercising will allow me to take advantage of the clothes I keep. And I want everything in my room just as organized and tidy as at work. Not to mention a new car and computer to keep tidy.
I'm on the right track, but I can't wait to pull the trigger and have time to follow through completely

Once again..today is new

I love my effin job. Here are my thoughts running through my head, so I an sort them:
1. Sweet, bubbly, quiet- all kinda contradicts
2. I keep thinking about britt telling me "do your thing girl. You're Guna be great."
3. I may not get along with everyone, but I love myself.
4. I plan on leaving stickies on amanda and my mirror. That way I can keep my space, but still be friendly.
5. I need to clean my car
6. I need to sort my motha effin room
7. I want to bring cool things fr my desk
8. I want to continue beig fashionable, put together, and adult looking at work. I need smaller pants than the ones I'm wearing now, but I want to be beat dressed, without pissing Lc off with my blatant trendiness.
9. Love mason
10. Finals. Almost over. I can do it.
11. Can't wait to get my hair dyed.
12. Budgeting needs to start

Above all... Gotta get through the next two weeks.

Doin my thang<3
Love my freakin job <3

(pic of Michelle and I because her old soul brings me peace an tranquility and maturity)

But today is new

Second day of work. Today I will: eat really well, and bring my luch, and look pretty, and be intelligent, weeooo. And enjoy my friends and coworkers and bosses who like me :) plus I love mas face

Today is a new Day

Totally told my roommate to fuck off. Ugh. But unless that girl is talking about herself, she's not so nice. She can give great advice when you tell her to stop talking about herself. And lately, all she wants to do is tell me what a selfish person I am, and Yesturday I was in a bad mood and amanda telling me how selfish no am tipped the scale.
Oh well. I apologized. Obnoxiously, she told me "well unfortunately an apology doesn't make it go away." ha
Yeah I really don't care.

Drama

Well I'm not sure how I love happiness and simplicity, but I'm a magnet for disorder and drama.
But today everything's so new... First day of a new job, new room, and so much more is coming. I'm going to work in my banana republic suit with my mark Jacobs bag and pointy shoes . I get to be someone and show everyone how intelligent I am and how hard I work. And I'm so proud to be me, and I'm even content with my past drama. It makes me interesting, as amber and Nina say.
However I need to grow and take every situation as they come and be as mature and responsible as possible. Then later I can mess around with mason and Amy later. But if I've established myself with everyone, including myself, itll carry over into the other parts.

Side note, yes its awkward and I can keep my distance and still take lunches alone, but I need to be less freakin awkward and less timid, and more friendly.

Anyways... Im so happy. Love my life. Lovelovelove mason. I just look at him and think about how he will be mg husband one day, and everything that encompasses that.

Drunky

I hate when you drink too much, and it's the next day, and at about 5:30pm you just feel sad. I'm happy. I moved into my new room today, last night mas Amy and I had a lot of fun, but I've hit that wall and now I feel all melancholy

Maybe I should knock it off a little? Even tho I really don't want to haha. Can't wait till its tomorrow.

Happy

Yesterday was just good. I just felt happy. I get to leave the hell of front desk. I have an amazing new boss who's def going to be challenge. I'm going to have to figure out how to communicate and be independent and go above and beyond for her, but will keep my confidence and not let her take advantage.
Went out after work with a buch of guys. It was nice and mellow and just being the only girl with a bunch of guys was fun.
Ally came up in conversation and I just joked that we'd broken up because we need to get away from each other. She's welcome to say whatever she wants about me at this point, but I'm going to maintain my pride.
Anyways.. Hopefully my brain to mouth connection is working a little better.
On a side note, I think amanda is really trying to be a bitch. I think after seeing me upset she's feeling in control. But yah know, I really just don't like her. She can be sweet, and If you coax her I stop talking about herself she says the perfect things. But, shes nt someone I connect with or wana party with or study with or bring home. When we r in public, it's just awkward. So Cest la vie

Follow through

I'm following through and rekindling my great friendships. And mas and I are in such a great place our relationship isn't threatened by it. I have so much and am so blessed.

Amanda talked like ppl hate me because I make them feel like shit.well... I don't really like amanda ha and I try really hard to bite my toungue. I do to amanda what ally did to me, for whatever reason. I need to learn to be nicer to ppl I don't like, and brittneys right when she says it's good to hang out with ppl who have the same morals. And so I Just need to make sure I hang around with those I love and who make me feel good and whole.
For gosh's sake I'm friends with 2 entire coffee beans. Ally goes to both and they don't even know her name. She's worked at F for a year longer than me and yet i have so many more friends and supporters while she has coworkers. While she gets respect, I got stories and kindness and ppl asking for advice and support. No wonder she hated me so much. We need time apart so we can establish ourselves separately and reconfigure if we mesh well.
Everywhere I look I find more people who I love and love me. There will always be Amanda's and ally's and it doesn't mean anything but a learning experience.
So on that note: I'm working in watching what I say, being quiet more often, not bragging, being quiet, thinking before I talk, being quiet haha. And above all, I love my life. <3

Crisis inspires

It's weird, I lost my best friend. I cried, and now I'm completly over it and feel relaxed. The weight is off my shoulders and it's inspiring me to be better-- aka To e someone other than the girl who talked shit/ felt insecure because of her bestie. And I want to appreciate my loved ones and hav adventures with them. I'm happy. I have so much and lost the one thig bringing me down. I know longer have to care about ally . I can't wait for this Saturday when I get to switch rooms and get rid of her second bed sitting in our room right now. And get rid of her A and her bulletin board. Maybe I'll give them to good will. But no more ppl asking me if we are getting along. No more disapproving looks and bitter comments from ally. No more tension or worry shell come home. No more talking shit on her or caring if she talks on me. No more trying really hard to make it work. And no more being judged because my bet friend is a bitch. And no more letting her bitchiness rub off on me :) and it's finals so I can focus on that. Then after they're over, my life changes.

I guess I just needed someone to tell me in worthless for me I realize I'm not.

Thank you coffeebean horoscope

My realization this morning, that goes hand in hand with Amy's point of having quality friends over quantity: I don't like everyone. I didn't like ally or the way she treated everyone or the way she made me feel like shit all the time. My moms right, we made the situation work. The thing was that I Thot we were both working at it, it's why I told ally to stop being sucha bitch. But the whole time ally had already given up and was talked maaad shit behind my back. I'm shocked, but feel so much relief that it's over. She was decreasing the Italy of my life. And if she chooses to be good friends with only her mom and her bf, then good for her.
And I love amanda, but she drives me up a wall. Her comments about how good looking she is, an smart an Funny she is, make me roll my eyes. I don't want I hurt her feelings, and I hate the idea that her bf and her discuss all the mean comments I say (because I'm completly oblivious) but amanda isn't someone I truly get along with, and that's ok. So I think I need to be nice to her when I'm with her, but also keep my distance.
Because if I stop putting in so much energy to people I don't get along with, I can focus on my friends who I'm in love with. The people I really get alof with and have fun with.
And on that note, I love mas and terra may, but I dont need all of their friends to be my bffs. We are waaaay different from one another and its not personal when we don't think the same things are funny and I need to stop trying so hard. It doesn't take away from mas and my relationship.
Overall, everything is changing right now, and the one thing I need to make sure and do is take care of myself and love myself. And throughout it all, I need to remember that Amy, Vinia, Tay, and my mom and the ones who are there for me... In addition to a handful of others like tami, Conde, Jesee, Stacey, Domo, and amber who really just want to have fun <3