I don't know what I'm doing but I'm feeling.. Lost. I spent all weekend drinking and having sex with mas and laying in the sun and relaxing... But we were also privately arguing everytime we were alone and not fucking. And fucking is the right word because he was so frustrated with me it was like he was trying to punish me.
Its like, he's been so kind and patient and gentle with me, that I forgot that he's a womanizer and a guys guy and pretty rough. I've always loved him for being him, and when we broke up a whole a go, it's because he kind of lost sight of those pieces of himself around me. So for those 6 months when we weren't together, we fell back into that and slept with so many girls and drank and raged.. Especially after his father died. So now here I am, being hit over the head, unexpectedly, by an important piece o what makes mason who he is. And I've had the upper hand and it's been taken. I don't mind, but I wish I felt like more of a person with that piece missing. I feel like a half of a couple, not one of two. And that's not the way it should be.
I love mason. And yah, girls want to fuck him. But I know that he doesn't respond anymore. And yah sometimes it churns my stomach, but really, he's no different from me. I just tend to hook up without going all the way due to the stigma attached to sleeping around.
Time for work. More later.
