dear sister
if i could tell you something, it would be this: im sorry. i dont know what im doing with myself, let alone with you. your wild. you throw your life to chance as soon as you drink. i wish i could snap my fingers and make everything better, but i snapped in half instead, and now youre gone. you want nothing to do with me.

Okay. I accept this, for now. if you have any suggestions as to how youd like me to handle this, id love to hear them.

i am so incredibly self-obsessed, but not selfish. my self obsession stems from my insecurities, but to my core, i will give up everything for other people. including people I dont know very well.

Here's what I am grappling with today:
alcohol. how it affects me.. positively and negatively. how can i be 22 and enjoy my youth, while protecting my body?

how it affects my loved ones. how it hurts my step dad and my sister. how can i hate them for drinking and then do the same?

and everytime i drink, all my horrible memories and emotions come back to me. im so so angry with my step father, even though i love him.

i need to stop drinking. i need to stop victimizing myself. i need to grow up.